What to Look for in an Etiquette and Cotillion Program

When looking for a cotillion or etiquette class for your child, there are a number of factors that I would suggest you look at before committing to a an etiquette program for pre-teens and young adults. Besides picking the right time to enroll your son or daughter, the most determining factor for selection should be the teachers's experience, training and background. It is also most important that the instructor has excellent rapport with students and makes it fun. Interest and fun are what keeps students returning to classes begging for more. Therefore, of course, the best classes are co-ed!

It is my opinion that without dancing a program is not tuned into the hormone-driven psychology of a budding teenager. Dancing provides the means to add the extra fun while also giving students the opportunity to inter-act with the opposite sex in a non-threatening environment. On the other hand, a dance course without etiquette seems a waste of an ideal opportunity to instill good behavior patterns early. Etiquette lessons alone just do not force one to get along with many different personalities as it is when they are as close as in your arms. Among other principles; sensitivity, consideration, responsibility, trustworthiness and respect of others are themes continuously stressed in my classes. One seems to learn more thoroughly what those mean when another person is up close to you, and, possibly, stepping on your toes over a period of months.

Another important consideration in deciding which course is for you, is where is it held. Do you have to go to it, or does it come to you? Positive peer pressure is a wonderful teaching tool for improving behavior. The better classes I have taught have been made up of young people with friends and school-mates or buddies from their local neighborhoods. I have seen tremendous bonding among such children that have the appearance of lasting a lifetime. Furthermore, overburdened parents could do with a break at having to deal with yet one more logistical nightmare. An added benefit of this approach is to see the parents also becoming good friends because of cotillion. I am continually impressed at how "neat" my cotillion families are. They put into practice the essential philosophies of true ladies and gentlemen. Thanks to an ever increasing demand, I have been able to support this bonding in neighborhoods by expanding the places I teach to reach virtually all parts of Northern Virginia. Some groups have also traveled from Maryland to my classes in Virginia.

Some other factors to consider.

a. Individual lessons should be no longer than one and a half hours, otherwise young people lose interest and get bored.

b. Generally, lessons should be no less than twice a month, otherwise students will forget too much between lessons, especially the dance steps.

c. Best class size compares with that in public school classrooms; about 28 to 36. Experienced teachers can handle up to 38 - 42. Less, and the dynamics necessary for multi-personal social interaction are not there. More, and it's impossible to watch out for the student's individual needs which can get lost in hordes.

d. Reference material in the form of handouts, notes or handbooks should be included for continuing reference and parental follow-up.

e. Having a dance or dinner-dance at the end of each course gives the students a feeling of complete satisfaction. This occurs because during this last lesson it becomes apparent to them how everything they were taught fits together. With parent feed back and support they then realize how socially adapt they have become in just a few shorts months.

f. Costs for these courses in the Washington Metro area differ greatly, but a reasonable price should not exceed $300 to $350.

What good is this initial investment on your part, if there is no place or time set aside afterward for practicing these important social skills once learned? I would suggest looking for a local community center or church sponsored etiquette and cotillion program that not only provides the basics but also offers a follow-on maintenance course for your newly socially-skilled child to maintain his or her competitive edge. If you can't find one, let's start one! I'll go to you, if you can find the interest!

Compliments of Barbara Hinkel