Seinfeld-isms

>From the Washington Post:

 

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet

seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not

be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."

 

What's with this wierd hotel custom of leaving a peice of chocolate on

the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of

fecal matter.

 

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the

one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter

are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll

just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill

will be along shortly."

 

Whould somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals

allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for

the dog, or the blind person?

 

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important

occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants?

"Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."

 

Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded

every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we

are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the

menu?

 

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you

ever see anyone take one to the beach?

 

Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why

isn't it a "built"?

 

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies,

and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you

get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

 

Why is it illedal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go

the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

 

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the

basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?

 

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No

wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those

idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

 

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the

person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to

move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our

destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine

inches closer, I can stopp for coffee and a danish!"

 

Isn't it wierd that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows?

How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't

wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

 

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent,

but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to

get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

 

Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders,

kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see

an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully

hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

 

Who is this guy Louis Freeh who is head of the FBI? People keep calling

him Louie, like he was the king of France or something. And what's this

with his last name? What does this mean, that he gives away the letter

H?