PERSONAL VIEWS ON RECOVERY

PERSONAL VIEWS ON RECOVERY Personal Views Page

(This page will carry from time to time the personal views of some of our members on issues which they believe are important in the recovery process. Our present policy is that these authors will remain anonymous and will be limited to members of the Washington, D.C. Area SMART groups. They do not necessarily reflect positions either of the Washington, D.C. Area SMART groups, nor its National Headquarters. Comments are welcomed.)

The Myth of "Self-Esteem" and Recovery

"Self-esteem" goes under a number of labels, "self-acceptance" or "self-worth," for example. As has often been pointed out, it has many less-attractive variations---pride, selfishness egotism, self-centeredness. The opposites---humility, modesty, self-abasement, self-hatred---are all variations on this same theme of the human ego at work, just on the negative side. There is a commonly-made and important distinction between self-esteem based on inherent qualities and that based on the views of others or some outside system of values.

Whatever you call it, I believe self-esteem is a much over-rated factor in success in life, be it recovery from addiction or something else, for several reasons:

Nobody can prove the existence of human worth, the very basis on which self-esteem rests, neither the religionists nor the followers of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) who reject religion and apply reason. (As a side point I have always found it somewhat ironic that many in this latter group who reject God because He/She can't be proved are willing without the same qualms to assume the existence of "self-esteem," or its other version, the value of human life). Howard Ellis himself, the founder of REBT, has a lengthy essay on this subject, conceding that the case is unproved. I find it difficult to accept the existence of something which is unproven.
Furthermore, if I put myself in the context of my family, the 250 million people in the U.S., the 6 billion in the world, the untold legions of people who existed in the past (who, incidentally, further remind me that my own death---killing whatever special qualities I might now have---is not that far away), I regard it as a kind of grandiosity to say that I have some sort of special significance (although strangely enough I may recognize it in others.)
I also cannot accept something as true simply because, as Jack Trimpey observes in The Final Fix (page 104), "it feels much better [to do so]." Vince Fox also says much the same thing in different form in Addiction, Change and Choice, when he writes he is "convinced that every person--- without exception---has intrinsic worth. The recognition of this fact results in acceptance of oneself as valuable and unique....We stop drinking because of this inherent quality, not in order to achieve it...." I believe that in fact the reverse is true, i.e., we come to consider ourselves valuable only when we stop doing things we regard as "bad," and start doing things we regard as "good."
I don't believe that emphasizing my inherent worth, even if it were to exist, is essential to my functioning effectively, and certainly not morally, as a human being, including the issue of addiction. In fact, I believe that insisting on one's value, when a person feels useless or worse, can increase that person's feeling of shame and depression. Furthermore, I don't even accept here the condemnation of self-esteem based on outside values as bad; I believe in morals and ethics; I carry them around with me every day.
I think we just are, that we exist; why I don't know, but we do. We are neither good nor bad, we have no self-worth. This doesn't mean I have a negative view of myself or my value; I just have neither a positive nor a negative one. The issue seems irrelevant.

I find it surprising that virtually all authorities not only say this idea of self-worth is necessary for a person, but that its absence can lead to dire results. Jesse Jackson tells black schoolchildren to chant, "I am somebody!" because he believes a poor self-image encourages low levels of learning, continued poverty and drug use. Not just REBT, but AA actually says pretty much the same on "self-esteem"---"this is a selfish program," presuming the individual has value, although they emphasize strongly the dangers of "self-will run riot," as Bill W. put in the Big Book. Bill W. goes on to say that when persons are accused of being less than they think they are, or don't meet their own expectations, this brings out emotions which lead to "people-pleasing" behavior, anger, etc., and of course, alcoholic drinking. Many psychologists/ psychiatrists think a poor self-image can be responsible for such things as procrastination, depression, and again, of course, addiction. And Christianity, though very conscious of man's sinful nature after the Fall, nevertheless basically teaches that we are God's creatures, and as such good.

My way of thinking thus seems to be pretty much out of line with accepted views in almost all branches of addiction treatment, etc., and therefore of course I have to consider that I could be quite wrong. The issue itself needs to be thought through by all individuals interested in recovery to arrive at something they feel comfortable with. If striving for "self-esteem" is not helping them with their recovery, they should abandon it.

I have raised it from time to time in our meetings here, usually mentioning several questions which need to be examined: (1) Do you feel you have self-worth? (2) Is it partly conditional on the views of others? (3) Is it partly conditional on your own scale of values/ morals/ ethics? (4) Is it important in your ability to function as the human being you want to be? (5) Is it necessary or important in resisting addiction? This usually leads to some interesting and self-revealing discussion by participants. Readers of this essay would benefit by spending some time asking themselves these questions.

This is Essay No. 12, issued December, 1999.

Previous Essays

September, 1999--Religion and Recovery

July, 1999--Can People Who Are Not Committed to Abstinence Attend SMART Meetings?

March, 1999--Recovery Is Not a Four-Day Course in Rational Recovery

January, 1999--SMART Recovery in a Nutshell

November, 1998--Other Roads to Recovery

September, 1998--How I Re-Thought My Beliefs on My "Alcoholism"

July, 1998--Why Do People Join SMART Recovery?

May, 1998--A Critique of PBS' Bill Moyers on Addiction

March, 1998--Should People With Gambling or Overeating Disorders Be Welcome At SMART Meetings?

January, 1998--Differences Between SMART and AA

November, 1997--Fifty Ways to Recover

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