The United States Navy will be downsizing for the next few years, which opens up lots of opportunities for buying submarines at great discount prices. But say you live in Denver, Colorado, and you buy a submarine at an auction in San Diego, California. How do you ship a submarine from San Diego to Denver?
Probably the best way is via the U.S. Postal service. If you're in a hurry, the postal service can deliver your submarine overnight. If you're not in a hurry, you can have the submarine delivered via "Priority Mail," which usually takes two days.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when sending a submarine via the mail. First, you'll need to chop the submarine up into pieces that are no heavier than 70 pounds each. A good way of doing this is to start at the front of the submarine and then just work your way back.
When packing these parts, use a container strong enough to protect the contents of the container. Add enough packaging material so that the contents don't slosh around within the container. Submarines are not built to withstand a lot of sloshing around.
Avoid using wrapping paper or string when mailing your submarine. These could get caught in the postal service's sorting machines. When a submarine gets caught in the gears of a sorting machines, you can end up with a real mess.
Address your packages clearly with the destination address written in legible writing on the top of the package. One of the most common reasons submarines get misdelivered is that the address label is illegible. Proper addressing is the key to getting your submarine delivered to the correct address.
As a courtesy to the post office, it's useful to indicate the contents of the package. Write the words: "Contents: Submarine" somewhere on the outside of the packages. This can help them in case they mistakenly deliver an aircraft carrier to your house.
As a final step you need to affix the appropriate postage. Need some extra water to moisten the adhesive on the back of the stamps? The Pacific Ocean has just about the right amount of water you need to mail a submarine to Denver. And conveniently enough, the Pacific Ocean is located right there in San Diego.
Phil Shapiro
pshapiro@his.com
Copyright 1995 Freely distributable for noncommercial purposes.
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