Product Demos at the Banana Computer Company Store

(Scene: The product demo area at the rear of a Banana Computer Company store.)

Mark Marketeer - Orville and Wilbur Wright! I'm so glad you guys could come in to give a product demo here at the store. What would you like to show?

Wilbur Wright - We'd like to explain about the principles of powered flight.

Mark Marketeer - That's cool, that's cool, but what we need today is a demo of GarageBand. You guys used GarageBand yet?

Wilbur Wright - I'm afraid we haven't used it yet.

Mark Marketeer - Oh, it's way cool. Totally intuitive. It's a loop-based music creation program. You guys flew loops didn't you? Listen, you're aviators. Just wing it.

Mark Marketeer - Pablo? Pablo Picasso? Is that you? We're so glad you came in to give a product demo at our store. Could you show Adobe Illustrator? You could? Way cool. Listen, sales surveys tell us that reds are what consumers are most interested in today. Can you demo Illustrator with like lots of reds?

Pablo Picasso - But I'm in my blue period.

Mark Marketeer - Yes, blue is great, it's totally great. But can you just do reds for us today? You're an artist, aren't you? Just wing it. Listen, if you can't do it, we can ask Van Gogh, who is standing right behind you. I don't want to give you an earful. Just do the reds, alright.

Mark Marketeer - Vinnie, wuzzup? Listen, you can't be touching those white keyboards with your earth-soiled hands. You were painting sunflowers this afternoon? Far out. Listen, hands off the keyboards.

Mark Marketeer - I'm sorry sir, but we can't allow you shooting any video in our stores. Yes, I know we sell camcorders. Yes, I know we sell video editing software. Yes, I know you'd like to put a QuickTime of your niece's first steps on your dot mac account. Sorry, Mr. Speilberg, I didn't recognize you at first. You must understand, it's company policy.

Hey, Wilbur, you've got to get that GarageBand demo going soon. We've got quarterly sales figures we've got to meet, you know. What? You want to fly the coop? You just got here, dude.

Vinnie, hands off the keyboards, please. Pablo, I've told you once already, no blues in your Adobe Illustrator demo.

Sir, please step away from that computer. That computer is for sales persons only to use for demos. You're typing in your password for your dot mac account? To upload a QuickTime from the Final Cut Pro demo you attended? To teach your friends the techniques you learned today? I'm sorry, it's company policy that customers not touch that computer.

Vinnie, hands off the keyboard.

Al, Albert Einstein? We're so happy you've come down to our store to do a product demo. Listen, sales surveys tells us that chemistry is the big seller these days. Can you do a chem demo, big man? You say physics is your thing? Chemistry, physics, it's all the same thing. Just wing it, Al. You can do it. Our customers will never know the difference. They hardly know anything about anything. Vinnie, for the last time, get your dirty hands off that white keyboard.

Mr. Speilberg, I'm going to have to ask you to put away that camcorder. It's company policy.

Pablo, you're thinking different. Please do not do that in this store. I've asked you twice already. Vinnie, that's it. You're out of this store.

Phil Shapiro

The author has been a Banana user and trainer since 1986. He is reachable at:

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