My Plans for an Antique Ebook Store

Once ebooks become more widely adopted, an inevitable result will be the creation of antique ebook stores. Here are details of an antique ebook store I'd like to open.

The store would only sell ebooks that are more than 2 weeks old --- adamantly not selling new ebooks.

The store would be located in a converted old house with a creaky front door. As you walked in, you would know right away that you're in an antique ebook store.

In the front window of the store would be two antique ebook loving cats. Customers would bring their ebooks to the check-out counter and lament about things. There would be no charge for lamenting and customers would be able to lament as long as they liked.

A special "Lamenting Corner" would be set up with comfortable chairs for customers to further lament. Above the corner would be a sign: "Lamenting Permitted, But Please do Not Bemoan." If anyone complained about the sign, my reply would be, "It sounds to me like you're bemoaning."

In one section of the store would be "old ebooks," ebooks that are more than a month old. Another section of the store would have "ancient ebooks," ebooks that are between 2 to 5 months old.

The store would carry no ebook that is more than 6 months old. For that, you need to go to a museum. If anyone asked about an ebook more than 6 months old, I would look at them very strangely and exclaim: "Are you crazy! What kind of a store do you think this is?"

At all times the store would carry the latest in ancient ebooks. If it's ancient and it's an ebook, you'll find it there.

A free email list would keep customers up to date about the latest in ancient ebooks. List messages would get sent out with morning and evening editions.

Once a month the antique ebook store would sponsor a speaker to talk about, "Breaking News in the Antique Ebooks Field." After the speech, everyone would gather around and lament.

Most of the employees in the store would have gray hair and be semi-retired --- befitting an antique ebook store. The entire experience of the store would be such that customers would leave saying to themselves, "What did we ever do before the antique ebook store opened?" "Honey, I don't have any idea. I couldn't imagine not having an antique ebook store to go to. Let's just go home and lament."

Phil Shapiro

Phil's blog

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